I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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