Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
