My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
