and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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