If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
