What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
