break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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