Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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