he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
