We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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