STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Buhtt sex?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
