Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
