i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
