i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
