haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
