You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
