I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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