farters have to be the big spoon...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
