apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
