May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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