The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
