Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
