ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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