So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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