Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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