first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ladies don't puke and tell
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
