oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
where are my eyebrows?
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