I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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