So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
