Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
