where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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