So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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