You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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