He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
