apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.