Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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