this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
