I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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