I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me