What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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