My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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