well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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