Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
