My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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