oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
