thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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