If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
