Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize