i think my mom watched the whole time
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
3pm strippers are depressing
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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