Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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