Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
