I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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