Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
