i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
