Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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