Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize