ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Welp...herpes.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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