It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
