mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
