They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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