Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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