so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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