handjob tips. give me some.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
