we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize