I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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