I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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