I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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