im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
