The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
