Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
well you can't waste a boner
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
