Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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