in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
