Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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