it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
