My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
