then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
