everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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