there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
