Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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