remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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